When it wasn't all brotherly yet
by Hisagi-Chan
Summary: So what if the relationship between Fili and Kili wasn't all lovely brother like when they were younger and Fili actually disliked having a younger brother, wasn't happy about his birth, didn't take him along to the city, because he didn't want to take care of him and what actually created their brotherly relationship.


Something I wanted to try out, some sort of dark Fili, not being happy about his brother at all.

It turned out weirdly, but maybe someone of you likes it.

EDIT: Corrected all those stupid mistakes that happen when you write at 2am.

* * *

"Come here and have a look."

"Dun wanna. Can't it go back, where it cam fro'?"

"Of course he can not. Come here to your mother or I'm going to come over to you."

He threw a wary look at his uncle, before deciding it might be better to just do what he wants. Moving over to his uncle and mother, he threw a quick glance at the bundle in her arms. He felt a hand push lightly at his back and moved closer to the bundle in front of him. There was a small ugly thing, with lots of brown hair and brown eyes. It looked more like an elf than a dwarf.

"It's ugly."

This earned him a small smack to his head and he looked up to his uncle.

His mother chuckled. "He surely is more beautiful than any dwarf I know, but he's cute. Don't you think so, Fili?"

Said one looked back to his mother and then to the bundle in her arms again.

"No. I dun' care."

"His name will be Kili, you're a big brother now. So you have someone to look after."

"I'm fine, don't nee' it.", Fili said and left the room.

His mother and uncle exchanged a shocked look with a bit of worry in it.

"He didn't get that from me. He's sticking around you too much and takes after the coldness towards family members."

"I didn't do anything. Maybe that just runs in the family blood."

Dis sighed and passed the bundle named Kili to her older brother, who took the little one and put it down in the cradle near the bed.

"Take a rest, I'm going to talk to him."

"Don't make it worse, please."

The older gave her a who-do-you-think-you're-talking-to look and turned to leave the room.

He had no trouble finding the little one, as he hadn't gone far. He rather seemed to walk slowly on purpose as if wanting to be caught up to easily. He caught up with a few big steps and went along with his nephew.

"So what exactly is bothering you?"

"I dun need a bro. I only need mum."

"Being an older brother is quite the work, but it's also worth the time you spend with them. To see them grow up."

Fili looked up.

"Your mother was a handful too, but I do not regret to have taken care of her. There were a lot of exhausting times, but a lot of wonderful times too.

When my brother and later your mother were born, I was really afraid that I couldn't take care of them. As the oldest I felt like I had to, on the other hand I didn't want to."

"You didn wanna?"

"No. My parents put all their attention on them and told me to take care of them, but otherwise I wasn't interesting anymore shortly after each of them was born. My parents still loved me as much, my father and grandfather wanting me to become a good dwarf prince that could take over the throne one day, but at that moment the newborns were more important."

"It changed?"

"Mh. When I saw how useless they were, how they couldn't take care of themselves, most likely die without anyone taking care of them, I realized that I can protect them, raise them into big dwarves, who live along me. Who'll become family. The idea wasn't that bad."

Fili looked to the ground while walking, his uncle noticed, that he seemed to be deep in thoughts. If that is possible for a five year old kid.

"Still dun like it."

"So you're not going to take care of your brother?"

"Nope.", the little one said and took off.

His uncle stood there and sighed, watching his nephew go. They should be able to change his mind, surely, somehow.

* * *

"Fee… wait!"

Addressed person not stopping at all.

"Fee! Take ma with chu!"

'Fee' stopped and turned around to the little one shouting and trying to keep up with him.

"Don't follow me. Stay with your mum and leave me alone."

"Mum said to play with Fee."

"I dun wanna though. Go back.", he turned on his heels and left the younger one standing there. That the mother came to the older one when he was back home was not surprising. Since the younger's birth, she had tried to get her older to take care of him and help her out.

"Fili, my dear, why do you dislike your brother so much? He didn't do anything to you, why can't you try to get along with him?"

"I dun want to, I've said so since he came to us. He's loud and ugly. I dun wanna waste my time with him."

Dis sighed. She didn't understand what was going on in the mind of her oldest. She knew how much her older brother and herself had to been looked after by their oldest brother, Thorin. But even though he never said anything, she knew that he liked to do that back then.

"He's family, your younger brother. No matter what you do or how much you ignore and push him away, he won't disappear. Or do you really want that? Knowing he'd be somewhere out there all alone, because you didn't want him in the family?"

Dis noticed her son swallow. She knew that he was thinking hard. Ever since Kili was born, but Fili wouldn't change his attitude towards the younger.

"I… dun think he could manage alone. I dun see why I have to take care of him though."

"Can't you at least try to get along with him? He has a lot to learn and your uncle is teaching you well. So why not sharing a bit with your brother?"

"I could take him with me once in a while when I go around, showing him where to find what and whom and such things…", Fili answered for the sake of his mother. He loved her, still wasn't really happy about taking care of that little, annoying thing he couldn't accept as family.

Dis sighed and caressed her sons hair. "That would be great."

Fili gave a small nod before moving to his bed room.

"Will Fee play with me now?"

Dis turned to see her younger one poking around the door to the kitchen. She beckoned him over.

"He will go out with you sometimes, but you have to listen to your older brother, okay?"

"Fee wun't leave me alone?"

"You heard him, right? He said he'll take you along, so be sure he will do just that." Dis took her little one into her arms and rocked him on her lap.

* * *

Fili was not even trying to hide the displeased look as he watched the little dwarf getting ready for going out.

"Remember not to take him to weird places."

"I won't, mum. Ya think I'm going there?"

"I don't know, do you?", she said jokingly while giving the older one a smile.

The blond snorted and turned towards the door, opening it and stepping out before stopping.

"You coming?"

Kili looked to his mother, who smiled in return and hurried after his big brother.

The little one was always some steps behind his brother, he understood not to bother him or he'd leave him behind. He also didn't say anything, only sometimes glanced up to his brother to check on his look, in case it turned into a frown. His uncle often had one. Mother said, it was because he is busy and has lots of worries.

Fili stopped several times, pointed at things and barked out words like "bakery" or "smith". He didn't say much besides that, but Kili was happy to get anything at all and see those things. His mother never took him along, too worried about him. Even though Fili wasn't all that much older, but he always seemed to get along pretty well, being far too adult-like for his age.

It was a day Kili wouldn't forget, even though he was so young. He had grown up so far with his big brother ignoring and pushing him away. But he still was here and walking with him. In the next years, there were many times, when Fili took him along, though their relationship in general didn't improve. Kili got used to it though. As he grew up, he saw that his big brother was very alike with his uncle, having burdens placed on them, Fili being far too young.

The mother and uncle of the young dwarves got used to Fili not warming up to his brother nor changing his attitude, but were happy to see, that at least he didn't mind him tagging along anymore, sometimes even asking if he wants to come with him.

It stayed like that for many years to come, even with having to change home places, traveling around and finding another place to stay, getting used to the new life and getting to know the people around.

It wasn't until Kili turned 30, that their family bond was tested and Fili was forced to decide between the annoying brother he never wanted and tried to ignore so much and his friends he got along with so well.

* * *

"So this one is your little brother, huh?"

"He looks like a one from the race of men."

"Really ugly, isn't he?"

Fili watched his friends around him talking about his brother, who was looking scared around between all the bigger dwarves. Kili had followed him without asking, he never did that or at least Fili never had noticed. But it annoyed him very much. He had agreed to take that brother of his with him sometimes, so he did over the years, but it never changed his opinion about him. Though he was happy, that Kili grew to know how to act around his brother. Not talking too much, nor asking where they are going and other things.

So him actually daring to follow, was really annoying. Dwarves are really proud of their beards, and Fili slowly started to grow a bit of it. His friends were all older and so they already had small beards. Kili being the beauty of the family, looking more like a human than dwarf, was really a shame upon the family.

Fili ripped himself of any unnecessary thoughts as he noticed, that Kili still hadn't said anything.

"You don't want to defend yourself, or that beauty ass of yours?"

"Maybe he's actually a woman. I mean even they look more dwarf like than he does.", one dwarf said and shoved Kili a little, which made him stumble back.

Another laughed, before starting to shove Kili as well. The three dwarves went around in a circle and started to push him, at some point he tripped and fell down.

"Aw, you poor lady, shall we give you a hand?"

Kili glared at them, which earned him a kick to his stomach.

"You trying to play big now, huh?"

They started to hit and kick Kili, Fili looking away, being annoyed by such childish behavior. He knew that Kili wouldn't tell his mother or uncle that Fili didn't help, so why bother going against his friends? Also he was still angry with him for following him like that.

"See, not even your big brother is willing to help you. He must really hate you."

Fili turned his head towards the dwarf who said that, but didn't bother answering.

"I believe that is none of your concern."

Fili looked at his brother, lying on the ground. He surely didn't hear right, did he?

"Why is that so, young one?"

Kili moved a bit to look up to the dwarf in front of him.

"Our family problems are none of your concern. Shut up."

"Ho, look at that. This guy is quite cocky.", the dwarf said, grabbed down for Kili's face and held it harshly in his hand to force him to look up in a more uncomfortable way.

The young dwarf looked him in the eyes, not showing any sign of wavering.

It happened so fast, barely no one saw the hard slap coming down on Kili.

"It's really sick, what you have in your family. I'm wondering if you're like that too."

Fili looked from his brother to the dwarf in front of him, all three of them having turned towards him.

"Maybe you're a sissy, just like him?"

"You're not speaking up for your little brother, after all."

He just continued looking at them, really not feeling up to deal with them. This was getting annoying. Where did this go wrong?

"So you are one of the silent ones as well, huh?"

"How about we play with you, too?"

"Shut up, you pack of brainless shit!"

It was Kili again, that said something and all four heads turned to see him trying to sit up.

"Whatever you do, don't insult him! He's great! He's more awesome than all of you together, he could beat you up faster than you would be able to turn around. He's way too good to be around dim-witted dwarves like you!"

"How dare you!", said the dwarf nearest to Kili and kicked him swiftly, never minding that he hit his head.

Seems like Kili was more interesting, because all three dwarves went back to him, talking about which places might be good for kicking.

When they wanted to start kicking again, Kili held up an arm to protect his head, but the kick never came. He looked up and saw the dwarf, that was about to kick him just a moment ago, lying on the ground. Fili stood at the place he was a second ago, looking down on him.

"I'm sick of your shit. I think it's best to part ways. I can't deal with childish people like you."

"You didn't care about him a second ago, what are you doing now?!", one of the other dwarves shouted at him.

"Sorry, but no matter what, no one insults the line of Durin!", Fili said and hit the second dwarf in the face, making him stumble backwards.

The blond turned towards the third dwarf, who decided to attack him that moment, but Fili stepped aside and tripped the dwarf up instead, making him fall down.

"I couldn't care less about this guy, he's bugged me all my life, but I'm not going to stand and watch you making fun of our line. You better not appear in front of me again. Ever."

The dwarf that was beaten first snorted. "Do you really think you can get away?"

Fili looked him over, before moving closer and putting a foot one the left hand of the dwarf. Stepping just enough on it, to make it hurt, but not enough to deal any real damage.

"My uncle gave me harsh training, I could really beat you up faster than you would realize. We clear?"

They grunted in unison, before slowly standing up and walking away. Fili watched them go, till he couldn't see them anymore. What a pain in the ass. Now he had to take care of his little brother after all. When he turned around, he raised an eyebrow in surprise as Kili was already half standing.

The younger one turned to move away.

"And where exactly are you going?"

"Home. I think I bothered you enough and you'd rather not see my face. I'm sorry."

Fili sighed. "Mom's not home for a week starting today. Dun ya ever listen?"

Kili bit his lip. He couldn't go to his uncle, that was for sure, but taking care alone of his injuries also would end with them being worse most likely. He had no idea what to do after all.

"Let's go.", Fili said and passed by his brother that was simply looking at his back then.

"Where?"

"Home of course, gotta take care of those wounds."

"But…"

Fili stopped and turned around to look at the young dwarf, now covered in blood, full of scratches and bruises, he should have been protected from.

"If you're not coming, then I won't take care of it."

"I will, I will!", Kili said and took some big steps to catch up with his brother.

* * *

When they reached home, Fili motioned Kili to sit down and went to fetch the box their mother kept in the kitchen. It had some bandages and other stuff in it for cases like this. She often used it on Kili, Fili never really got hurt, but his brother always ran into things or fell down, even when he was just at home.

Fili stepped into the living room again and didn't see anything of Kili. He took the box with him and went down the corridor to find the door from his brother's room open. He stepped into it and saw Kili sitting on his bed, deep in thought as it seemed. He put down the box on the bed and sat down next to the younger one.

After some minutes in silence, Kili snapped out of it, noticing his brother next to him, trying to say something. Anything.

"Thank you."

The younger one turned around to look at the blond, not entirely sure of what he heard.

"It's quite funny how seeing you being beaten up and not doing anything, but standing up when they turned to me, made me realize what an ass I have been. I've always ignored you, pushed you away, insulted you, but you actually…"

"You know, I've always looked up to you."

Fili turned his head to look at his brother with surprise flickering through his eyes.

"I mean, uncle has been around since my birth, always so serious and strong and yeah… you know what I mean. There is no way I'd be put off by you being so distant, when I grew up with it. Also you never told me, that you hated me, so I thought that sticking around was okay at least. I figured if I'd keep to myself, don't ask for something I wouldn't get and take what you give me, doing my best to learn and someday you might at least accept me as your brother."

Fili swallowed hard. The training he was put under to become a good dwarf prince was hard. But he never thought about how he had burdened his little brother. He actually never cared. But seeing one of his family getting hurt, had slapped him in the face. Kinda made him wake up from his state of not caring, not trying to care. All he wanted to do was take his little brother into his arms and hug him very tight, apologizing for all he had done. He choked it back down and took the box to start taking care of Kili's wounds.

They sat in silence for half an hour, while Fili worked on the wounds of his younger brother. The wounds he got, because the older one didn't want to put his brother above his pride in being a future dwarven king.

When he finished he took one of Kili's hands into his own, still kneeing in front of him on the ground.

"I'm really sorry for acting like I did. There is no way to excuse what I did, I was only thinking about myself and pleasing our uncle. You made me realize, what I should do. Even if I might become the king of dwarves one day, first I'm still the son of Dis, brother of Kili. And I will do anything to protect you from now on. I hope, one day you forgive me my behavior."

Fili finished and bowed his head lightly, he looked up when Kili chuckled after a few moments of silence.

"I respect you, you are a great and strong person. I have a lot to learn, you got a lot from our uncle. Being serious and more adult-like as you should be. There is nothing to forgive if you let me stick around with you in the future."

Fili let out a short sigh of relief.

"I guess it's good that you are such an idiot."

"Am not, I just don't see a reason to be angry with anyone of my family. Especially not if they actually are sorry."

"So you said I'm more adult-like than I should be. Aren't you sometimes a bit more adult-like than you should be as well?"

"Only when it comes to you. Because as a big brother you have to protect me and mum and maybe uncle and I just have to be the young brother being protected. But I'll stand up for you, if you are in trouble. I will follow you, wherever you allow me to."

"I guess having someone to look after is really a pain in the ass, uncle wasn't that wrong. But it can also be fun."

Kili smiled and Fili noticed, that this was actually the first time he had seen his younger brother smile at him. It stung a bit, to have damped that smile for all those years, but the thought of getting to see it more often in the future, put a smile to his own face.

"You should do that more often. Makes you seem more like a young dwarf and not some old one with many burdens to carry."

"I dun think, that's any of your business, young dwarf!"

"Hmpf."

They looked at each other, before starting to laugh. When they calmed down, they both lay down on Kili's bed and fell asleep cuddling with each other. Something they had never done, but would do a lot from now one. Just like brothers should.


End file.
